| 1. | When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas. | |
| 2. | What do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas? | Fleece Navidad! |
| 3. | What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper? | Ribbon hood. |
| 4. | What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh, Ho, Ho, Swoosh? | Santa Claus caught in a revolving door. |
| 5. | What do you call Santa's helpers? | Subordinate Clauses. |
| 6. | What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? | Frostbite |
| 7. | What do monkeys sing at Christmas? | Jungle Bells, Jungle bells. ! |
| 8. | Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters? | They both drop their needles! |
| 9. | What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas? | Thanks, I'll never part with it! |
| 10. | Why is a burning candle like being thirsty? | Because a little water ends both of them! |
| 11. | What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree? | A pineapple! |
| 12. | What do you give a train driver for Christmas? | Platform shoes! |
| 13. | What did the big candle say to the little candle? | I'm going out tonight! |
| 14. | If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? | Missletoe! |
| 15. | What's the best thing to give your parents for Christmas? | A list of everything you want! |
| 16. | A Christmas thought: | STRESSED is just DESSERTS spelled backward. |
| 17. | What kind of pine has the sharpest needles? | A porcupine! |
| 18. | Where did the mistletoe go to become rich and famous? | Holly-wood. |
| 19. | What's red and white and red, red and white, and red and white? | Santa Claus rolling down a hill! |
| 20. | What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? | It's Christmas, Eve |
| 21. | What do vampires put on their turkey at Christmas? | Grave-y! |
| 22. | What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve ? | Black mail ! |
| 23. | Mum, Can I have a dog for Christmas? | No you can have turkey like everyone else. |
| 24. | What did the eskimos sing when they got there Christmas dinner? | "Whalemeat again, don't know where, don't know when "! |
| 25. | Who is never hungry at Christmas? | The turkey - he's always stuffed! |
| 26. | What did the guest sing at Eskimo's Christmas party? | Freeze a jolly good fellow.. |
| 27. | Whose Christmas parties are full of screams? | Dracula's. |
| 28. | What happened when Santa's cat swallowed a ball of yarn? | She had mittens. |
| 29. | Where is the best place to put your Christmas tree? | After your Christmas one and your Christmas two. |
| 30. |
Why is Santa a good race car driver? | Because he's always in the pole position. |
| 31. | How does Santa Claus take photos? | With his North Pole-aroid. |
| 32. | Why didn't the skeleton go to the Christmas Party? | He had no body to go with! |
| 33. | Why did the little boy push his bed into the fireplace? | He wanted to sleep like a log. |
| 34. |
Why was Santa's little helper depressed? | Because he had low elf esteem. |
| 35. | What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas? | Forty feet of track - all straight! |
| 36. | Why did the little girl change her mind about buying her grandmother a packet od handkerchiefs for Christmas? | She said "I could not work out what size her nose was! |
| 37. | Father to three-year old: "No a reindeer is not a horse with TV antenna." |
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| 38. | Christmas is in my heart twelve months a year and thanks to credit cards, it's on my Visa card statement twelve months a year also. |
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| 39. | Knock Knock
Who's there ? | Donut Donut who ? Donut open till Christmas ! |
| 40. | What did one Christmas light say to the other Christmas light? | You light me up! |
| 41. | An honest politician, a kind lawyer and Santa Claus were walking down the street and saw a $20 bill. Which one picked it up? | Santa! The other two don't exist! |
| 42. | A man went to a butcher's and saw that the turkeys were 90p a pound. He said to the butcher, 'Do you raise them yourself?' 'Of course I do,' the butcher replied. 'They were only 50p a pound this morning!' |
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| 43. | What's the most popular wine at Christmas? | "I don't like sprouts" !
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